Today we will be discussing the great danger in attempting to keep up with other’s lifestyle.
I’m going to tell you a story about my past experiences that shaped who I am today.
My Story
My senior year in high school (2012) I was working at Chic-Fil-A making $7.75 a hour. To me this was good money because it was 50 cents above minimum wage at $7.25.
Upon my graduation I got a new job with a significant pay increase. Now I was full-time making $16.50, and also had benefits.
This pay increase was as if a whole new world had been revealed to me. Imagine diving underwater and realizing there’s a whole other world beyond what you normally see.
(Aladdin Music Playing)
And that’s how I felt.
Now I felt like I could enjoy more things. I treated myself to :
- Eating at restaurants several times a week
- Getting takeout almost everyday for lunch with my coworkers
- Name brand clothes and shoes
- Fun recreational activities such as bowling, Top Golf, and trips to the Galleria
In a nutshell I didn’t say no to anything or anybody.
This took a tremendous toll on my finances. Everything I had coming in was going out, and then some.
To be clear, I’m talking about overdraft fees.
Now my problem began to compound. Not only was I spending too much money, but additionally I wasn’t getting to keep all the money from my paychecks.
Say for example I got paid $1000 every two weeks. If my account was overdrawn by $300 when I got paid, now I only had $700 to work with.
And with the same old bad habits, the cycle only continued.
For years.
I had a maxed out credit card debt that lasted 7+ years. Every time I got paid I would spent the money I had, overdraw, and then spend that too.
How Comparison Kills
I looked at my friends and assumed that I was supposed to do everything they did. To say no would cause me to stick out in a bad way; or so I thought.
If they got new clothes I thought I should as well. If they were going out to eat, I needed to be sitting at the table with them. I had to keep up.
Yet all the while the comparison between my life and theirs was killing me.
Killing my financial future. Killing any confidence I could’ve had to be a individual.
It was killing the Jeffrey I knew I wanted to be.
The Scariest Thing
Do you want to know a secret?
No one knew I couldn’t actually afford the lifestyle I was living.
Pride wouldn’t allow me to be honest enough with myself to admit a problem and make a change.
Furthermore, the last thing I would ever think of doing is tell someone else how bad I was with my finances.
So this was the scariest thing :
If someone was trying to keep up with me they were actually trying to keep up with someone who was unhappy and broke!
In other words…
If I was someone else’s “Jones Family”, and they were trying to do the things I was doing, they would actually be imitating someone who was unhappy and broke.
Nobody could tell I was broke because I was doing all the things people with money would do.
Yes I had the look, and yes I had the things, but I didn’t have happiness. I didn’t have joy.
I didn’t have peace of mind or security in my finances because I was always trying to keep up with someone else.
Because I knew I couldn’t actually afford or sustain that lifestyle.
I sacrificed a lot behind closed doors to keep up with others.
Something To Consider
Today I’ve shared with you a very personal experience for a very specific purpose; I want you to learn from my mistakes.
Don’t lose yourself in the crowd. Don’t spend your money based on what you think about others. Don’t sacrifice your happiness for the sake of fitting in.
The problem in with keeping up with others is that you always come in second place.
Jeffrey Chark
How so?
Because they are the reason you are even doing what you’re doing now. You make moves only based on what you first see them do. And thus you’re always late to the party.
Lesson Learned
Fast forward to today.
My wife and I have been debt free (with the exception of a very reasonable car payment) for about a year now. It was a big accomplishment, and something we give God all the glory for.
Our process of working our way out of debt is a story in and of itself; one that deserves its own blog post. But in the meantime let me just say that all the hard work paid off (no pun intended lol).
And because we are now meticulous about our budget and finances, we get to enjoy certain things in a way we never could have before.
With all that said, my advice for you today is simply this:
Don’t try and keep up with anyone. Live the life God has given to you.
“But godliness with contentment is great gain”.
It’s as simple as that.
If you found this to be helpful, share it with a friend and encourage them to subscribe.
Until next time Gents!
This is such a great post because it really does challenge the reader (in this case myself of course) to look inward at their own habits and ask themselves, “am I trying to keep up with others and live above my means?”
One of my favorite minds of today, Dr. Jordan Peterson put it like this: “Don’t compare yourself to others, compare yourself to who you were yesterday”, which I think is very wise advice and definitely fits here with the message I gleaned from your testimony.
It’s so easy to fall victim to peer pressure, especially in a society that projects so many impossible standards. I thought it was very profound when you pointed out the fact that someone around you may have been in the exact same boat, looking to you thinking this was the norm, and pushing themselves past their spending comfort zone as well. That’s not something we think about often, how much influence we have on others just by how we go about our lives.
I am so happy that yours and your wife’s is a story of triumph and overcoming obstacles! It’s a great reminder that we are all human and can get ourselves into a tough situation sometimes, but if we have God on our side and are willing to put forth the effort, there is nothing we can’t overcome. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
Thank you for such a well thought out comment Katarina. This is one of those comments that people will come back and read years from now and it’ll still have a lot of meaning . I couldn’t agree more with that statement from Mr. Peterson. When we realize our greatest opponent is ourselves, we will spend our time in a much wiser way. Being better than who we were yesterday is a admirable goal.
Thanks again for your thoughts!
This post is GOLD!!!!!! As I was reading your post I was thinking how easy and natural it is to compare your life to others, in EVERY stage. When your a kid you always want the next kids lunch because their lunch looks yummy and your mom packed a boring lunch. As a teenager, you want your friends car because they are driving the new ride off the block. As an adult, you want the bigger house because your house can barley fit all of your clothes and shoes. We can’t always wait for the next big achievement or purchase to feel happy with our life. We need to create a feeling inside NOW (being content) of happiness and satisfaction of OUR LIFE.
Thank you for taking the time to leave such an insightful comment. I really agree with the points you made. Comparison is something that follows us throughout our lives, but at some point we have to address it and defeat it. I’m glad you enjoyed today’s post!